Strong Arm

I hear all kinds of unfair bargaining going on in my house. Most of the time I bite my tongue and let them develop their negotiating skills without any tutorial. But sometimes I just can't help myself. And this usually occurs by butting in and helping Porter 'know his rights' against the power of his older brother. 


I don't know whose been mentoring Porter, nor do I know if he knows he walked away with a killer deal but today I became aware of one of the most recent barters. Porter walked into my room wearing Dallin's shorts, asking me to help him. I said, "Oooohhh, did you ask Dallin if you could wear those?" Yes, boys have this issue as a point of conflict also believe it or not, and recently it's been more present in our home. It seems, though, the boys have next to squash it already. "Oh yea, we made a deal," Porter said. "I get to wear any of his clothes I want whenever I want. Except for his Colorado jersey {which conveniently Porter has a twinner one} and his Colorado bracelets.  And he gets to play my guitar everyday." Ummmmm, yes. The guitar he received when he was ONE year old. And in the past year has only been of interest to him for ONE day. Must have been the same ONE day Dallin took interest in it as well. And in exchange, Porter got a new wardrobe. It looks like we have a negotiator on our hands- he knows the secret....timing, timing, timing.


We're getting excited for this weekend...ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! I put it in the predictions folder last Friday {thanks for the concept, Jono} that I think Yosh has done well this year. He's real hit and miss. One year an all-edge brownie pan, the next year a trip to Paris. So you never know. Now I wish I could remember exactly what happened for me to add this note to the folder, but I can't remember anything specific. That might be for the better. Because then based on whether or not I'm right, I would be looking for clues next year to make a judgment call, but Yosh would know what I was or wasn't looking for, and then try to act or not act accordingly. Which would totally throw off the authenticity of my judgment. You get what I'm saying, right?


The kids are going to be in Christmas heaven {and completely self-entertained for hours, inducing mama heaven!} and I'm so ready to see their cute faces with looks of glee glued on!

Merry Christmas!

tid-bits

Does 10 1/2 months qualify for 12ish months? Because I'm sure I read something very professional that said "Babies should start drinking cow's milk at 12ish months". I know, very loose language. But I went with it and am hoping I'm not jumping the gun. I wish you could have seen Kaia with her first bottle of whole milk. She took a few swigs, pulled the bottle out of her mouth, looked at it, and..... literally giggled. Capture that on film and you have a commercial that sells itself. But...I think it gave her the Diarrhea word so we're gonna hold off a bit longer.

Why is Deeter's talking so much fun right now? Well he's a great talker with a great vocabulary but....he's only 2 1/2. Which means context is usually off...which means we do a lot of laughing at/with him. Love that lately when I say, "deeeeter, I love you," he says, "Yea you do."

Porter's teacher told me that the other day he was drawing a stick figure on their discussion board. Porter got all excited and said, "I know what that is. That's a missionary......" No one knew what he was talking about...except the teacher. So he went ahead and drew on a name tag and let that little stick figure be a missionary.

So, I don't know if it is just me, but I am getting the hugest kick out of Dallin's upcoming winter performance. Take a sneak peek:

A proud day in the life of Adam Sandler. I can't imagine that when he was recording his spoof that he thought it would find it's way into mainstream public school music performances. But here it is- 2011- being sung by the masses {ok, well at least in my little town}, representing the Jewish nation. I would of never guessed that in a million years! So tell me I'm not alone....this is hi-larious, right?!!

Welcome back, Saturdays

For fear of messing with any Elf voodoo, this is where Henry spent the rest of his day. The boys found him this morning on our doorknob, which I thought was absolutely brilliant. Apparently, his gymnastic skills weren't quite up to par and pretty fast he found himself face first on the ground. Man up, Henry....we need a STRONG elf in our house!

Great news...starting this week we have our Saturdays back! And Thursday nights! And Friday nights!!! Yes, football and basketball season have come to an end.

It was sweet- the coaches handed out the trophies individually and said something about that player.

Basketball:

Porter- to our strong player who was making shots from way back out by the end of the season.

Dallin- to our player who did it all- dribbled, shot, rebounded.

Football:

Porter- this young man was not even on the team at the start of the year. He started coming to practice, even if his brother couldn't make it, and turned into a good player and someone that was important to the team.

Dallin- this was someone that I've been with for three seasons {right then Dallin stood up to take the stage!}. He's always been a critical player and someone I've been able to depend on to get plays done for me.

One thing about getting older...I love seeing and really grasping the details and sacrifice and recognizing all the little work that goes into making this world go around. Love these adults that take a few hours out of their week to make my kids feel like a million bucks. They've been right all along...it really takes a village.

Before our school gets fired!

So this here incident... I want to give more details of what happened, what I did, and why.


Kindergarten dismisses the students to go to their after-school STAR class and they literally walk 20 ft to some tables where a STAR teacher is waiting. Simultaneously, parents are picking up their kindergartners and walking out a gate. Porter got dismissed to his class. He did STAR all last trimester, so he knows the drill. It was the first day of the new trimester for his skateboarding class. He saw that most all the other kids had skateboards and he didn't. He was embarrassed, and rather than talk to a teacher, he hit the road to avoid the confrontation.


After he came home and the shock wore off and the actuality of the situation sunk in, I asked more questions to make sure I was prepped with the full story. Due to the nature of it all, for better or worse his one-sided story was going to be the bulk of information. So after that, I came up with my plan.


Which obviously started at home. This was a huge indication of Porter's lack of confidence, which I've always been worried about, but this solidified that I had reason to worry. Imagine never having walked home alone and knowing that you shouldn't but still choosing to do that rather than talking to an adult because you feel out of place. That's a problem. And that's the main problem. He consciously made a decision to go against the rules and I really feel like the fault fell on him. He didn't 'get in trouble', but we helped him understand why he shouldn't do that and what he can do in the future. We're going to take a more pro-active approach is giving him opportunities to gain confidence and use his bravery to do HARD CRAZY things for good. Instead of just for running away. We made sure he knew our phone numbers and obviously he already knew our address and how to get home!


I called and talked to the STAR director who was obviously mortified. They had him marked absent and didn't follow up on absences that day which is protocol. I then talked to Porter's teacher. Before telling him what Porter had done, I asked him about the previous day's dismissal. He said he released him to STAR and even specified the class, which meant- according to my detective skills- he clearly remembered. I then told the teacher what happened and he about passed out as he saw his family, his living, and welfare flash before him. At that point, the STAR director joined me and I addressed my issues with the hole in the transition process. I talked strongly and confidently {without addressing Porter's responsibility} but without completely blaming them for the situation. I didn't 'let them have it' or fly off the handle.


So why did I take this approach? A couple of key reasons. While the school does not hold the kids' hands every step of the way, they had a program that was functioning rather well. All the years in operation, I'm guessing this is the first run-away case. Porter is in kindergarten, not pre-school. I think expectations along with shown actions indicate most Kindergartners are capable of navigating that 20 feet alone. And if they don't have the ability {which is different from choosing not to}, then I personally don't think they're ready for Kinder. Secondly, I was not going to wring the school's neck in front of my child for HIS poor decision. I think that sends a terrible message. Like I said, I firmly made them aware of their fault in the system but I'm a big believer in ownership and responsibility. I think it would have been a horrible precedence to show Porter that he can make decisions on his own but his parents will act as a buffer and blame someone else when it turns out to be a poor decision. The flip side of both points- expecting the school to hold my child's hand every step of the way and  blaming the school for Porter not doing something that he's proven capable of doing the previous 3 months- are evidence of a growing problem...youth gaining independence. I have a saying in regards to this issue- "The older they are, the harder they fall." I'm hoping to help my kids avoid some of those bigger pitfalls by learning at a young age to be independent and responsible and take ownership for THEIR actions. I will help them along the way and provide them with all the love and support in the world but I have no intention of carrying them when they can walk on their own and acting as a crutch. This was as good as time as any to teach that lesson.


The school also needed to take responsibility for THEIR part. Within 2 days an email was sent out remedying the problem. It was taken care of that quickly and efficiently without making a huge deal of it.


And, just on an ending note, after all was said and done, I was super proud that little Porter Pistol Pope knew how to navigate his way home. These past three years of stopping at the same driveways, having the kids look both ways, pushing the buttons, learning to follow the traffic signals....it all paid off. I didn't think he was capable to be honest. I would have never administered the test this early  and this doesn't grant him permission to EVER do this again in the near future but in case of an emergency, he's equipped and that makes me confident and proud. And as parents, isn't our ultimate goal to prepare them for productive, positive, independent adulthood? That's definitely my goal and shows we're making forward progress in that area. 


Ok, I'm stepping down from my soap box. But I would genuinely love your opinion/perspective on all this!

Holy Heart Attack

Imagine my shock yesterday when Porter came walking through the front door at 2:00 in the afternoon....ALONE.
All I could do was look at him. And look at him again to make sure it was REALLY him. "Porter," I said, almost questioningly. 
He kinda did a giggle and said, "What?" with his cute little smile. Crystal clear...he was nervous.
"How did you get home?"
"I walked."
"You WHAT? With who? Why?" I was confused, shocked, and about every other discombobulated emotion. This wasn't making sense at all.
Come to find out, Porter had left after school, before his enrichment class and WALKED HOME ALONE. Which means crossing a major major street. ALONE. We're talking about the boy that when we say, "Porter, look for cars," he looks at the brick wall and declares, "Nope, none are coming." This is the child that gets lost when he's standing right next to me. And somehow this same child managed to get himself home, and home safely. Thank goodness.


Scary day for me. I think some angels were walking him home. Or he's more mature than I give him credit for. Either way, you can imagine that many chit-chats ensued. And many hugs and kisses.

In no Particular Order....

•  Word searches are competing with sports and the Wii for the boys' free time lately. Restaurant etiquette is being transferred to our own dining room table...they are wanting to do the word searches while they're waiting on their food and eating. {No kids, you actually have to help set the table and talk to your dang family during the meal...SORRY!}

                       

• Have you ever read "The Glass Castle"? I bought a rotisserie chicken for dinner last night and once again found myself wishing I had her mad chicken picking skills. I feel like I leave way too much meat on the bird. PS If you haven't read that book, do it. I think you'll like it.
• So lately we've just been having a raw veggie plate sitting around. You know, for snacks, dinner, just whenever. Now we don't force them on the kids- we just have the plate conveniently present. And guess what? They're eating them. And loving them. And so are we... Shoot. Maybe I am "one of those moms." Whatever that means. {But let's be honest...more veggies=more room for Oreos.}

                                               

• Loved yesterday that Yosh gave into my incessant begging for the past 6 1/2 years and finally called in sick to work to unpack our 7 suitcases and just hang out with his sweet wife all day because he was throwing up. Oh I could get used to having that man around all the time. Even if he's sick. Even if he's not unpacking. Isn't it nice just having another human being around?

 

• I am not saying anything. I am not insinuating anything. I am simply stating facts. And in case KARMA is in a bad mood today, I am knocking on wood just in case. Yosh, Dallin, Porter, Deeter, and Kaia have all fallen victim to the stomach bug. I have not.

Sometimes being a brother is even better than being a superhero. ~Marc Brown

After having two kids, somehow I formed an automated response to the much-asked question..."Are you done?" And the answer was something like this: "If it were just for me, I'd be done. BUT...I feel like there's something siblings have to offer each other that I just can't, so I'm going to keep going." To be honest, I almost looked at it as a gift I was giving them. The opportunity of built-in support, advice, love, and friendship.

Thursday afternoon, Dallin came running to the door- screaming- with blood dripping from his face. His brother was right on his heels. We brought him in and doctored him up. Porter sat quietly by his side the whole while, observing but not willing to leave. After all was said and done and they were both still just sitting, I was looking at this the scene from a different room. In real time- right then and there, not later in reflection- I was in awe of the bond these two boys share. In awe, because although it's something we can encourage, it's not something Yosh and I can give to them or force on them. It is their relationship to decide what to do with. A transparent moment showed thus far they've decided to develop, nurture, and protect it.


Throughout the last few years, my mom has made trips to NM on a more than regular basis to check in on her little sister. The last six weeks, she just stayed. Despite the sadness and heaviness of the situation, there was no other place my mom was willing to be. The young summers of driving a million  miles to visit each other, the thousands of phone calls, the hours of chit-chatting....it was all coming to an end. AJ's life paused to solidify the depth of this relationship. The uniqueness was reciprocated as Gretchen was surrounded my many who loved and cared for her, but for the more personal care-taking, she was only willing to let my mom be the care-taker. The end truly represented the culmination of what they had become to each other.


My sweet grandma sat at the rosary in Gretchen's honor, graciously accepting the comfort so many were trying to offer. As Uncle Kip would say in the eulogy...."No parent should have to bury their daughter." And she felt the weight of this unfortunate circumstance, even at 90 years old, loathing the loss. In the side door, located right by where she was sitting, her sister unexpectedly came walking in. As Alby caught sight of her, her raw reaction- back all of a sudden straight, dropped jaw, eyes big- confirmed that real comfort had arrived. As she sat down right next to Alby, and their heads naturally tilted in until they touched, and their hands locked, Alby was now truly able to let someone else share her burden.


"Is solace anywhere more comforting than in the arms of a sister?" ~Alice Walker


Those words I've said so many times- how siblings have something only they can offer each other- were spoken with an innocent shallowness. This week has shed some of that innocence and carved depth in that theory.

We need each other. 

Hmmmmm.....

We were late for school yesterday. More correctly, Porter was late for school; Dallin was on time courtesy of a neighbor. Believe it or not, this is actually a positive thing. Because the alternative might have been an all-out fight at 8 am. This was evidence- and not the first of it- that "plan B" is working. The details are as follows: if Porter is ready for school {which is a list of about 5 things} when it's go-time, he earns a Wii game of 5 on 5 football for the afternoon. And if he's not ready, he doesn't. And apparently the side note to that choice is that we will also be late for school. This is the first time we've been late since the plan was intact. I'm learning what compromise really means. Being on time is important to me. Playing the Wii is important to him. If we work together, we both get what we want. If we struggle, well neither one of us gets what we want. I guess I'm learning that, to me, it's worth it to compromise being on time for no yelling? Hmm, I didn't even know that about myself. Learn something new all the time. And there was no yelling or screaming {from either party} in the morning. And there was no Wii in the afternoon.

Now "plan B" was created after "plan A" had a miserable crash landing, possibly never even made it to take-off. Last week I was praying and strategizing- I needed a new way to handle/discipline/mother this Pistol Pope of mine. Things have been a bit on the rocks, como se dice. And in that prayer, a plan was developed. For three days I was going to remain calm in iffy situations and give Porter more leeway. And hopefully that three days would allow us both the opportunity to push the restart button for how we communicated. I felt like I needed to take more responsibility for my actions and have that be my focus. So with a plan in place, I was ready to go face my day.

Well I'll tell you what it wasn't 30 minutes into "plan A" before I found myself screaming at him {yes, you read correctly} and.......brace yourself.....hitting the bill of his hat. I know, embarrassing. Feel embarrassed for me and look away from the computer screen. I don't know what exactly was faulty in this plan- whether it was the plan itself or my aversion of commitment that took no longer than 30 minutes to kick in and send me flying off the handle in panic mode, claustrophobic by the thought of sticking to something for another full 2 days and 23 1/2 hours . Either way, it was about that long before I was back to square 1, and really less than square 1 if there were such thing cuz it usually takes a lot longer than 30 measly minutes into the day to get me that fired up. Talk about digging a hole....

So plan B was devised on the double and has thus far produced success on the good and not-so-good days. In fact we've actually had a really good week. I'll tell you what, this thing of trying to raise a kid that is JUST LIKE YOU is for the birds. Oh the parody.... how often that the child most like you is the one you have the most clashes with? What is the lesson in that?!! {The things that make you go Hmmmmmm.....} We're gonna make this work, I'm not giving up on you, Porter P!!!

Heart to Heart

While walking through school the other day (may I take a moment to bask and add...hand in hand):


Porter's gym coach in passing: "Poooorrrrrrrrrrter, what's up?"
Porter: Weirdish smile, kinda looks away.
Me, whispering: "Porter, don't you wanna say hi to him?"
Porter: "Uh, hi."
(Gym coach has now passed.)
Me: "Porter, why does it make you shy when he says hi to you?"
Porter: "I just don't know what "What's up" means."


This is the sweet boy we're talking about. Our Porter Pistol Pope Hansen. We really struggled with the decision of what to do with Porter this year, school-wise. He's a late birthday which meant he could do another year of pre-school or start Kindergarten. I lost many a nights sleep over this decision starting April '10. I made decisions. I went back on decisions. I lost money because of going back on those decisions. I was sure. Then I wasn't sure. Many times I tried to convince myself I was at peace. But I wasn't. I followed my heart and kept trying until it led me to the path that just felt right. (wait, was that path suggested by my husband?.....es posible.)

He's enrolled in Kindy and we couldn't have a better match of a teacher. As evidenced by one of his morning greetings:

That's right....a surf report. Just in case you missed the morning news.

He's a rebel in the most awesomely, school way. He starts the day in Converse and changes to flip flops at the first given chance. He only returns to his Converse for any needed trip to the office. And he gives surf reports. He is an obvious endorser of individuality and we were concerned about our individual child. Enough said.

What's the lesson learned from all this? Patience. Learning what it feels like to make the right decision. While in the process, I always question it. I always want to give in and compromise peace for "now" and doubt that the perfect solution will present itself. I think, "Will there ever come a point where my mind and heart will sync up?" Often times it feels like that won't happen, that I've exhausted all my options and still there's no peace to be found. But if I don't give in, they- the mind and the heart- almost always catch up to each other. Sometimes a unique option arises; sometimes it just requires time to mold me a new set of eyes for one of the original choices. Just as was the case with the Pistol.


And what amazes me is it's the same process whether picking a school for your child or furniture  for your backyard. In the last month, I've almost bought many sub-desired pieces to have the decision done with and out of the way. But had I given in to mediocrity, I would have missed out on these beauties:

And I do NOT like missing out. I'm in looooooooooove!

Which is why I hope to remember this lesson~

Be patient.

Have faith.

You've been here before.

Your mind won't fail you.

But neither will your heart.

Wait til they find each other. 

Then revel in the peace.

You'll never regret the wait.