Friday, July 22, 2011

Flashbacks

I like days like today. Where I had a lot of flash-forwards of the flashbacks I will one day have. As I sat reading Deeter his truck book for the tenth time today while he ate his lunch, I saw myself in 20 years looking back to this exact memory and smiling as I remembered it. As I remembered the sweet 2 year old that knew how to finish a lot of my sentences. "The truck is....." ........."stuck," always shouted. I nostalgically remembered the innocence, the light that was hitting us just right.  Even though it was happening right now. I remembered that is was just him and I. I felt the same way as I fed Kaia her rice cereal. As she was smiling up at me, I briefly had a memory. That when I was a little girl, I dreamed of feeding babies baby food, and after I put the food in their mouth, of wiping the excess with the spoon. Because for some reason, that was the most inviting part of the whole process to me. Today I thought how I don't get to do that much longer. And it made me sad. And then I saw myself in 20 years, reflecting back on this very moment as my sweet daughter gave me nothing short of huge smiles as I filled her tummy. I would remember these as the good ole days. Before she ever talked back to me, before we ever fought, before she ever told me she hated me. Because those days are bound to come. And that too makes me sad. These everyday things of feedings, changing diapers- while they may appear mundane- are what I know. They are my comfort zone. And while it's tempting to wish them away, I want to remember- right here, right now- to slow down. Because while they may not be the most pleasant things, I know how to do them. I know how to almost always get the babies to laugh while they're getting their booties changed, I know how to talk to them while I'm feeding them. And there are so many things that I don't know how to do. I don't know how to tell my kids that they are still loved and priceless when they're getting picked on at school. I don't know how to help my kids make good decisions when their peers aren't. I don't know how to teach my kids that it's cool to not be cool. But to laugh and joke and take care of and feed- I can do that. I want to hold onto this golden stage of life for as long as I can. Or at least soak it up while it's here.

I love these glimpses into the future that quickly take me back to today. They are little reminders to enjoy right now. They are gifts to remind me to slow down and don't fret the small stuff. Amazing reality check...flash-forwards of flashbacks of today.


8 comments:

Luke and Ali Stewart said...

Gay- You I know I always tell you this but you are an amazing writer. I may or may not have gotten tears in my eyes because sometimes this stage of life is so crazy busy with little ones but I know that one day I will look back and miss little moments like that. Loved this post!

Familia Forsloff said...

You said exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you for reminding me why I love being a mom!

rachel june* said...

Well said, Gay! Mundane is beautiful and I hate to even think of nasty peers at school.

Unknown said...

Love you. Love your family. You are the best mom ever. You inspire me.

Kimberly said...

Oh my gosh you made me cry... You have but into words exactly how I feel, like is is going to slip away to quickly.

brookeisacrazylady said...

yep kinda scary leaving the baby years cause we do know how to do them. how sad they are going hate us...i think my son does sometimes already ...boo hoo

but at least you have a future shopping partner ;)

Tom & Allie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Steph said...

When I grow up I want to blog just like you. Although, I have totally had those moments too. I was just holding Molly last night and looking at her with the thought that the days are numbered with her as a 'baby', she is learning to walk, start to wean and moving forward with her life. So I am going to take these moments and make the memory before they are gone.