Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Passion

     I was talking to my friend Kady today. We were briefly talking about identities we put on others, or identities that others put on themselves that might not be 100% accurate (whether in our eyes, or just truthfully not accurate). She told me of an accomplished photographer whose blog she was recently reading. The photographer stated that she had gone to a more distinguished photography college. She completed the classes and graduated, but still did not label herself a photographer because of that single accomplishment. She said it was a lot of time and practice before she confidently called herself a photographer. Her point being that these days people buy a nice camera or take a few photography classes, then call themselves photographers and want to charge 100s of dollars to clients. I found the whole train of thought interesting and insightful.
       I often think of myself and can become a little introspective. I don't have many stand out talents. Nor do I have many ambitions. Or passions. I really don't. And I don't say this pitying myself. I'm kind of your run of the mill girl and I'm alright with that. That being said, I just have to think there really is something that makes me tick more than I realize, some thing I have that I don't give sufficient credit to. I look at my husband admiringly as I know what drives him- BYU sports and work. Now while I might get a good laugh out of that and find it semi-pathetic (the BYU sports part!), I still remain envious of the possession of passion.
     Long after mine and Kady's conversation, the example of the photographer continued to resonate. Others call me a runner, but I don't really consider myself a runner. Do I run? Yes. Runner- probably never will be what consider to be a runner. I would love to call myself a tennis player. But I'm not. I'm a recreational player. A decorator? Only when necessary and inspired. But something I do feel confident enough to label myself as is a Mom. I spend as much time thinking about how to tweak my mothering as Yosh does about football bowl draws. I spend as much energy trying to exert patience and love towards my kids as I can. And when I'm tired or frustrated or overwhelmed, this desire to be a good mom does push me more than my tiredness, frustration, and every other emotion. So I think I can truly label myself a mom. And something I am also very content about- I'm not the best mom. I'm only good. I'm realizing there is no perfection in this ambition. But I am committed to always trying to be a little bit better. Even when I was just a little bit or lot worse. And I think that is good enough for me.
      As I was laughing with my mom the other day about Yosh's passion for BYU sports (the day after the BYU/Utah game which kept him up nearly all night...) and my complete absence of passions, she chastised me in her mother voice, "Gabey, your kids are your passion." I laughed at her thinking that she and I weren't quite thinking on the same page. But today, after this insight, I think she's right. My kids/family are my passion. And I proudly call myself a Mom.

13 comments:

Kady said...

Almost got me to tears right there Gay. You're an amazing mom that I try to emulate daily. Love ya.

Cassi said...

I think writing is definitely a talent or yours! Wow, Gay! I really loved reading this. It hit me in just the right spot. You are an amazing mom!

Vickie said...

I just read a cousins blog who talked about all the things that she wanted to do before those 'kid' years that would hold her back. I can't deny that all my labels I ever claimed are now gone and replaced with mom or wife. And the best part is that even though I'm sad I don't do some of those thing, mom is really better then all of them. Thanks for this post and reminding me that this is what counts even if the bucket list may never happen!

Familia Forsloff said...

You just described me! Thank you for putting my thoughts to words. After having my second child I can honestly say that I have these little interests and passions but nothing compares to the drive I feel when raising my children. Hope your pregnancy is going well and girls are sooooo much fun. (youre still having a girl right?) Lets get our butts on another cruise next year!

Heather said...

What a great post Gay! I think you are a great mom and I am sure you really do have many talents and hobbies, they just may not be obvious to you.

Crazy Lady said...

now thats I thought about this morning.

Here's my thought though. I think its a combination of how old kids are and how many you have. Because with one tiny baby, I had lots more room for other passions, didn't have to watch my language so much, and had lots of down time for me. But now motherhood is my passion because it consumes me. but the older my kids get, I am a slave to the school system, homework, and it takes my best effort to just keep them clean, fed and happy. God is very smart, he doesn't just spring this all consuming passion and new life on us (although it feels like that with your first, oh my naive new mama days), but He eases us into it until we get confident and we love it. Our kids are dang lucky by the way (well maybe not mine today).

By the way, you are a runner, I've seen you run. and so am I even if I'm not currently...stupid hilly neighborhood.

now what are you going to name that baby? is brooke in the mix?

Mark & Bek said...

Love this post Gay! Nothing more important than that passion. If all mothers were as passionate we would have a perfect world.

Rachel said...

i'm so with you on this! i've definitely thought how boring i am because i'm not suuuuper passionate about anything. but being a good mom is definitely what drives me too. you are a great mom! i hope i'm doing as good a job as you!

Jess said...

LOVE this!!! Seriously I do. Gay you are probably one of the best Moms I know ... that is why I feel I am always asking advice :) I feel the same way about this too and am grateful I have you to look up to!

Laura said...

amen, and well said. for some reason we (society) make us feel like "mom" isn't a real label. when, in fact, it is the most important. thanks for the reminder.

David & Natalie said...

Gay I loved this post. Dave & I have this conversation all the time. What are we passionate about? Do our passions define who we are? I know that I have a passion for nursing, but all I can think about is how badly I want to be a mom! So I envy you, in a good way, and hope to develop a passion for motherhood the way you have!

Dede said...

Thanks for posting this! You're awesome.
I often feel the same way about my lack of passion for something like sports or talents. I think motherhood is the most important thing we can do with our time.

Steph said...

Gay! You're my hero. Seriously, that was a post to live in infamy (i can't spell) anyway i just loved it and I feel like I am right there with you. (and jon is right there with Yosh!) I love reading your posts..among your talents I would call you a talented blogger! :)