I was talking to my friend Kady today. We were briefly talking about identities we put on others, or identities that others put on themselves that might not be 100% accurate (whether in our eyes, or just truthfully not accurate). She told me of an accomplished photographer whose blog she was recently reading. The photographer stated that she had gone to a more distinguished photography college. She completed the classes and graduated, but still did not label herself a photographer because of that single accomplishment. She said it was a lot of time and practice before she confidently called herself a photographer. Her point being that these days people buy a nice camera or take a few photography classes, then call themselves photographers and want to charge 100s of dollars to clients. I found the whole train of thought interesting and insightful.
I often think of myself and can become a little introspective. I don't have many stand out talents. Nor do I have many ambitions. Or passions. I really don't. And I don't say this pitying myself. I'm kind of your run of the mill girl and I'm alright with that. That being said, I just have to think there really is something that makes me tick more than I realize, some thing I have that I don't give sufficient credit to. I look at my husband admiringly as I know what drives him- BYU sports and work. Now while I might get a good laugh out of that and find it semi-pathetic (the BYU sports part!), I still remain envious of the possession of passion.
Long after mine and Kady's conversation, the example of the photographer continued to resonate. Others call me a runner, but I don't really consider myself a runner. Do I run? Yes. Runner- probably never will be what I consider to be a runner. I would love to call myself a tennis player. But I'm not. I'm a recreational player. A decorator? Only when necessary and inspired. But something I do feel confident enough to label myself as is a Mom. I spend as much time thinking about how to tweak my mothering as Yosh does about football bowl draws. I spend as much energy trying to exert patience and love towards my kids as I can. And when I'm tired or frustrated or overwhelmed, this desire to be a good mom does push me more than my tiredness, frustration, and every other emotion. So I think I can truly label myself a mom. And something I am also very content about- I'm not the best mom. I'm only good. I'm realizing there is no perfection in this ambition. But I am committed to always trying to be a little bit better. Even when I was just a little bit or lot worse. And I think that is good enough for me.
As I was laughing with my mom the other day about Yosh's passion for BYU sports (the day after the BYU/Utah game which kept him up nearly all night...) and my complete absence of passions, she chastised me in her mother voice, "Gabey, your kids are your passion." I laughed at her thinking that she and I weren't quite thinking on the same page. But today, after this insight, I think she's right. My kids/family are my passion. And I proudly call myself a Mom.
