"How is life with 4?" you may ask. Well, I have the perfect incident to illustrate life with four, and ironically it only involves three. The other day I went to pick Porter up from preschool and make good on my promise of taking him to this little play area on the grounds. So, with Deeter on one hip and the baby carrier swinging from my elbow, I made my way to his classroom. I was a few minutes early, which allowed Deetz to wander the room. The baby carrier was on the table and as the moms filed in to pick up their kids, a lot of ooooohing and aaahing took place as baby girl does not make frequent appearances in the classroom. In the midst of this, Porter escapes and makes him way to the playground (which is essentially the next room over, although outside) only to be escorted back by the preschool director. I picked up the baby carrier and quickly went outside to retrieve him. Out there I started looking for Deeter, maybe assuming he had followed his brother. In the chaos of so many people filling the room at once, I got a little panicked thinking I let Deeter out of my sight. The director asked if everything was ok, and I told her I might be missing one more. Although I appear to be very laid-back, believe it or not I always know where my kids are and am keeping an eye on them or am very comfortable that they are in a place I trust. Well Deeter wasn't at the play area and the parking lot is too close for comfort and momentary frantic set it as I knew Deeter had absolutely no sense of boundaries in this setting! Maybe it was only a minute that passed- but a long, sickening minute- until I found him....in my arms. Seriously? I was carrying him the whole time? The answer is yes. I have definitely entered the fog stage of having a newborn and trying to keep up with the others! This is by far the best case scenario for me being "careless"! So that is how it is taking care of three kids...you can only imagine how things are going taking care of four!

I'm never pregnant alone. And can you believe when I was pregnant with Deeter I was pregnant with two of my close friends? Here are all 3 of our babies born within 6 weeks of each other. Deeter is the youngest....and the hugest. But I guess you wouldn't want it any other way. He can be their protector.

I was looking at these pictures from Dallin's 5th birthday party last May taken by the ever so generous Allie Steele. Literally the last day that we were a family of 5...I won't go into details of the next night! But I will say that Anneli came to the party saying she had a dream I was pregnant. And she was wrong. I think maybe I will blame fate on her. And then that would mean owing her a big thank you.

Because now we have this beautiful girl. I wish there were stronger words to express how I feel, or that I had the vocabulary to better articulate, but I'll leave it at I love her. The chaos of a newborn is all lost in the innocence and love and infatuation and sweetness of a little baby. The ability to have this little body curl up on your chest and hold on to your finger for dear life invites a feeling of peace that can't come in any other way. Whether it's at 2:00 in the afternoon or 2:00 in the morning, it is equally welcomed. And I'm not just saying that. Maybe with child #4 I've learned to relax and take the moments when they come.

I remember saying this about Porter- that I never understood why people said I looked mad growing up. Once I saw the scowl on Porter's face, I understood. Looking at Kaia's little facial expression, I'm once again reminded! I'll have to teach them at a young age that people are going to think they are mad all the time if they don't consciously watch their expressions!

Time to shop. That's what I was feeling like yesterday. I'm not pregnant and I don't look pregnant anymore. So the itch set in to have something new and feel somewhat fresh after 9 months of being pregnant and a few after-birth weeks of just looking pregnant. I set off in search for a couple new shirts- loose-fitting shirts. After selecting some to try on, I made my way to the fitting room. Looking in the mirror, I was instantly brought back to a conversation I had with a mom who gave birth a week after me. She said she went shopping because she didn't automatically shrink back to size as she did with her other two. (And by the way, count your lucky stars...who shrinks back to their previous size after a couple weeks anyway?) During this shopping trip, she was shocked...."When did Gap start using fat mirrors?" she asked! I was dying, I thought that was hilarious but thought of it as nothing more than something comical until my own shopping trip. "Seriously?" I thought as I looked at every outfit I tried on. No doubt the fat mirrors have taken over every store! Losing 20 pounds is a daunting task, but apparently masking 20 pounds is going to be equally daunting. Needless to say, I bought a couple necklaces. For myself that is, but that wasn't quite all...baby girl made out like a bandit. I guess this shopping trip made up for holding out for months while I was pregnant! I saw cute little outfits that I chose to no longer resist. Here is Kaia girl at 6 weeks and just precious as ever.

This pic cracks me up. It appears that the eye-rolling has already begun!

I got on the computer to attack my "computer to-do list" which is a mile long, but as I began reading it, I once again convinced myself it was overrated to check these things off the list. It's overrated to send out emails, to get baby announcements done, to do many of these things that keep me up thinking at night. And in the middle of the night.

Now, as previously mentioned, this husband of mine is obsessed with BYU. To say "BYU football" would be very exclusive at this stage of our life. Because Jimmer has taken over the household. It's pretty adorable (except when it's not and I'm stalking around the house thinking, "Are we seriously watching this game or these highlights again?" I'm  coming around, but once again I think it's the obnoxious to-do lists that stop me from completely enjoying life. This post is turning out to be very therapeutic.) So what I love about Yosh's obsession, is that it brings out a side of him that is otherwise dormant. Dos examples will be presented.

#1) We stayed the night in San Diego on Friday night and as fate would have it.... we were at the same hotel as the basketball team. Yea baby! We relaxed in our room for a bit before Yosh asked the boys if they wanted to go downstairs and hang around to see if they can't catch a sighting- that's right...a Jimmer sighting! On his own, he grabbed a camera and went to the lobby. I came down a bit later just in time to catch the team walking through. Jimmer was talking with an ESPN commentator, and as he emerged from the room, Yosh put on his big boy pants, walked right up to him and confidently- ok, with minimal stuttering- said, "Hey, can my boys and I get a picture with you?" I love it! I mean, when we go to dinner I can't get him to go ask the hostess how much longer we'll be waiting. No hesitation when Jimmer is involved!

#2) At the game on Saturday, there were some definite intense moments. After a particularly thrilling one, Yosh started chanting in a very boisterous voice, "B-Y-U." It only took miliseconds for the crowd to catch on and join in. Yosh was the trend-setter- for a few seconds at least- and that's not something that's going to happen very often. Love seeing him in these situations!

 (PS We were at Target the night before the game and Yosh also decided that we should make a sign for the game- another side of his that only shows itself in these type of situations.

I have to admit, I kind of feel like the sign was anti-climatic.  It's as if it reads "See Jimmer, Be Jimmer, ...." S should be something huge and shocking. But it wasn't. Next time we'll have to tap in a little further to our creative side.)

We've all experienced this before. The bait and switch that comes with visiting any dollar store. You go in vowing to walk out with a receipt of $5, but somehow inevitably leave no less than $20 later. It wasn't going to happen this time though. I had a well-thought out plan. I was hitting up the 99 cent store to do a fun, cheap- yet creative- Valentine stop. Last year I got these cute hearts and heart-attacked the boys door for them to wake up to. They each had a cute bag with some candy and a toy waiting for them at their spot at the breakfast table. All this was done for- well I don't know the exact amount but .99 times how ever many things that was. So this year, I didn't even put any thought into Valentine's Day. I just headed over to the store to mimic last year's success. And  after entering the store, one of the first things I see is Valentine's to give to classmates. Which triggers the reminder that my boys' too needed to participate in this tradition. And so I picked up two boxes of Star Wars cards. A mere 2 bucks to  satisfy two sons and two classrooms. But apparently not enough to satisfy the mom. As my eyes drifted to the cute party bags and treats and cheap party favors, I somehow subconsciously returned the Star Wars cards to their original location and started collecting items to do a goody bag. For all 40 classmates. This would be so much fun, right? We can do an assembly line at home, let the boys participate, and it won't cost that much money because after all...we're at the 99 cent store. Terrible idea. Unfortunately a terrible idea that didn't really register as that until I was handing my credit card over 27 dollars later. How in the world did a Valentine total of 2 bucks- that would have been equally appreciated by a bunch of 4 and 5 year olds- turn into $27. I mean subtract a couple of bucks because I did also find a misplaced bag of  flavored Tootsie Rolls and some jelly cinnamon hearts, but other than that, it was solely these dumb, under-appreciated goody bags. And my pride wasn't about to let me say, "Never mind, I actually don't want any of this," and walk out the door. And to fatten the total, I realized I totally got sidetracked from the original purpose of the trip- to put together a simple Valentine celebration for the kids. Later in the week, Target collected another $50 to bring Valentines to our house. Next year, I'm seeking a more solid plan and sticking to it. And I am definitely sticking to the simple, one step Valentine cards. And maybe I should just avoid the dollar store because it gets me every time.

And here is our most precious Valentine of 2011. Love this little girl!

Don't Forget Paris

So sometime mid-December 2009 Yosh started talking all excitedly about Christmas- he couldn't wait for me to open my gift. He thought he had "nailed it" this year and was waiting to see if I would accept it. Now for most girls, this might get your heart racing as you imagine that your husband has finally turned into a romantic and is going to present you with those diamond earrings, or whatever it is your heart has longed for, after all these years. For me, I'm getting nervous. Alarm bells are going off. A distrusting smile spreads across my face, accompanied by an all-knowing giggle. The giggle that defined Christmas the previous year. Because the previous year, Yosh had "nailed" Christmas also. As I opened my all-edge brownie pan, my food dehydrator, and tickets to a murder mystery dinner, all I could do was giggle. Later that day, Yosh admitted he wasn't quite sure how Christmas had gone because there was a lot of giggling. (Just as there was a few years ago when I got the infamous "Nap in a Sac" for Mother's Day!)
   So despite Yosh's excitement, I was a little skeptical and wasn't holding my breath for any big surprise. Christmas morning it was finally my turn to open my one present, the box which I had already seen and it barely had me jumping out of my seat. Yes, I asked for tennis shoes for Christmas, I saw a tennis box show up, I was getting my new shoes. Shocker. But upon opening the box, no shoes were present. Even less exciting- tennis balls. "Alright, Yosh, well thanks for the tennis balls." He has the camera rolling which is making me even more nervous as he asks me what the tennis balls say. "Roland Garros." His smile is widening, my anxiety is heightening as I have no idea what's he talking about. "Where is Roland Garros?" he asks. I can't think on the spot and finally I demand him to turn off the camera as I feel like I'm being interviewed and I can't handle it. I don't do well under pressure! Yosh guides me through the steps until he almost tells me that we're going to the French Opens in May. That's right- a trip to Paris! Finally- on the same page, same definition of "nailing it."
     We enjoyed an amazing week together in Paris. I had approached the week rather unsure on a few points- would I miss the kids too much to appreciate the week? Would Yosh and I run out of things to talk about by day 3 with there still being 10 more meals to share together? But I'll tell you what, we still got it! By the end of the trip (which I did make it through without being too homesick for the little ones) we were still laughing, joking, chit-chatting, and in love. We had passed the test in my eyes!
      We came home and were welcomed by three demanding and needy children, a week of reality and not the tainted reality we had created on our week away, a camera that wouldn't cooperate with me and therefore I couldn't upload any pictures. By Wednesday night, we were laying in bed asking each other, "Did Paris really even happen?" It was already a distant memory. But here- 8 months later- I finally uploaded the pictures and they brought me back. To the magic of experiencing something new with the one person that means the most to me, to remembering love, to remembering surprise. And after 8 months there's the subtle reminder...Don't forget Paris.   

40 weeks

Today is my due date. This is exactly how it should be at 40 weeks!